Lavender Brown's Talk Show
by Earmuff
Summary: Lavender Brown's Talk Show. Topic: Muggle Knowledge. Two purebloods, Ron Weasly and Draco Malfoy, and competing on who knows the most about muggles. Draco doesn't know if he can stand living after he loses to Ron...
1. Let the Show Begin

"Hello everyone! This is your host, Lavender Brown! We are here today with two contestants, Ron Weasly and Draco Malfoy! Now, our topic for today is: "Who knows the most about muggles?" Hermionie Granger will be our questionnaire, as you might call it. She will ask a question that has to do with the muggle world. Ron will ring the bell, or Draco will if he happens to know the answer, which as everybody knows, is highly unlikely. Am I right?"  
  
"Horray!" Shouts of agreement could be heard all throughout the audience.  
  
"That's what I expected. So, Hermionie, are you ready?"  
  
"I sure am."  
  
"Ron? Draco?  
  
"You bet!" You bet was the enthusiastic reply of Ron Weasly. For once, he would be good at something, or at least better than Draco.  
  
"Wow, I'm so exited," was the sarcastic reply of Draco Malfoy. How would he live to see tomorrow morning? Getting beat at a talk show game by Ron Weasly, pureblood, yet as close to muggle as a pureblood could get.  
  
"Thank you for the cheerful reply, Mr. Malfoy. Well, since everyone is ready, let the show begin!"  
  
"Horray!" the crowd shouted once more.  
  
(to be continued) 


	2. The Light Bulb Verses the Nightclub

"Ok, here is how it will work. Hermionie will pick an object from the muggle world. Hermionie, what will that object be?"  
  
"Hmm, lets see. How about a light bulb?"  
  
"What's a light bulb"  
  
"See? If you don't know what it is, then I could ask questions on."  
  
"Ok, ok, good point. So our topic is a light bulb, whatever that is. Hermionie will choose which questions she would like about the light bulb using the six question starters: Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How. After she asks the question, you can ring the bell. Any questions?"  
  
"I have a question," Ron replied. "What happens if I ring the bell, but I get the answer wrong?"  
  
"Great question, Ron. If you miss the question, Draco gets a chance to answer it. If he gets it wrong too, nobody gets the points. Each question is 100 points, and at the end of the game, whoever has the most points wins the game. Any questions? No? That was pretty explanatory, I guess. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let the game begin! Hermionie, please ask the first question."  
  
"Lets see. What purpose does the light bulb serve."  
  
"Ooo, good question, Hermionie." Lavender commented.  
  
*Ron rings the bell*  
  
"Ron, do you know the answer?"  
  
"Yes, I believe so. Isn't a light bulb, I think sometimes just called a bulb, a place where muggles can go and dance and drink and."  
  
"No, no, no Ron," Hermionie managed, laughing her head off at the same time, "that's a nightclub, also known as a club!"  
  
"Oh, well, lets give Draco a shot after this quick commercial break," Lavender said, holding in giggles as well. 


	3. Explanation Achieved

"Here we are, back again at Lavender Brown's Talk Show. The question, "What purpose does a light bulb serve?" will now be given to Draco Malfoy, seeing that Ron Weasly got it wrong. Draco, do you think you could tell us the purpose of a light bulb?"  
  
"Well, I could use common logic, unlike Weasly, and figure it out. Light comes from the sun, and is used to see and keep warm, but the only reason it keeps you warm is because the sun is a fireball in the sky. Now a flower bulb is a flower before is has bloomed, so it would be a certain shape. A light bulb would then be a small shape that enables you to see," Draco replied with a smirk curled around his lips.  
  
"Umm, Hermionie, is that the correct answer?" Lavender asked shakily.  
  
At first, Hermionie couldn't speak. She was awestruck at the accuracy in those few sentences. And to have those said by Draco Malfoy! Of all people to know the purpose of a light bulb. "Ahh, yes, that is precisely the answer," she stuttered.  
  
"Well, then, Draco Malfoy receives 50 points," Lavender replied.  
  
"What! Only 50 points! I answered that question to it's full extent, and you said, "If you get the question correct, you will receive 100 points!" I'm not stupid, so I know that 50 does not equal 100!"  
  
"Well, you see, when Ron guessed, he was guessing for 100 points because he rang the bell. You didn't ring the bell, the question just got passed down to you when Ron got the wrong answer. The point level was then reduced to 50, which is half of 100," Lavender retorted smoothly.  
  
"I'm not stupid. I know that 50 is half of 100, but I still."  
  
"Why don't we take a commercial break, while I sort this out with Draco." 


	4. Doctor Medicine

"And here we are, ladies and gentlemen, and back to Lavender Brown's Talk Show. We had our, ahhhh, little incident with contestant Draco Malfoy, but that is all cleared up now. Isn't it Draco?"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Ok, now we will move on to the next question. Again, first one to ring the bell gets to answer first for 100 points. If he gets the answer wrong, the other contestant can try to answer for 50 points. Any questions?"  
  
"I have a question," supplied Draco.  
  
"And what might that be?" asked Lavender.  
  
"When are the rules of this game going to come out fair?" Draco asked ruefully.  
  
"Shut up, Malfoy!" Lavender yelled. "We settled this back stage. Now, Ron, do you have any questions?"  
  
"Nope," said Ron.  
  
"Good. Now Hermionie, please ask the question." Lavender said stressfully.  
  
"Sure. Ummm, who invented the lightbulb?" Hermionie asked.  
  
*Ron rings the bell*  
  
"Yes, Ron?" Lavender asked hopefully.  
  
"A healer invented the lightbulb." Ron said proudly.  
  
"And how do you figure that?" Hermionie asked curiously.  
  
"It was this muggle healer."  
  
"Doctor, Ron."  
  
"Yeah, a doctor is what you call them. The doctor drank a muggle potion."  
  
"Medicine, Ron."  
  
"Yeah, medicine, and he suddenly got the idea to invent the lightbulb. The healer, or doctor, was named after the potion, medicine. So Doctor Medicine invented the lightbulb."  
  
"No!" gasped Hermionie, through fits of laughter, "but that is an extremely hilarious answer!"  
  
"Well," sighed Lavender with despair distinct in her voice, "I guess it is Draco's turn then, after our commercial break." 


	5. Muggle Connections

"And were back everyone, and it's time to ask Draco who invented the lightbulb. Now, if Draco gets this right, he gets 50 points, which would make the score 100 to Draco and none to Ron. Who, Draco, invented the lightbulb?" Lavender gushed out with as much enthusiasum as she could muster.  
  
"Well," replied Draco, "there was a muggle scientist that invented many things, one of which being the light bulb. To the muggles, he is very famous, but most wizards have never heard his name. We take our LUMOS for granted. Thomas Edison, famous inventor and scientist, invented the muggle light bulb."  
  
"Hermionie," Lavender asked, fearful of the answer, "is that the correct answer."  
  
"I couldn't have put it better," she stuttered.  
  
"Well, then, 50 points to Draco Malfoy!" ahe grumbled, attepted excitement in her voice.  
  
"It seems I'm not too stupid after all, am I Granger?" Draco could not believe his luck.  
  
"You're rather familiar with the muggle world, aren't you Malfoy? You even admitted it. Why is it that you know so much? Do you really pay attention to the muggle world and it's inhabitant's? The look on your face shows that my assumption is correct," Hermionie shot at him.  
  
Draco stiffened. He wasn't supposed to let anyone know about his connections to the muggle world. That was confidential.  
  
"I think we've hit a point here, Malfoy. So as soon as you shut up and quit bragging on your knowledge of mudblood hometown. Your father would be."  
  
"Leave my father out of this!" Draco yelled in reply. His father was the reason for his connection to the muggle world, but yet again, nobody could learn that either.  
  
"Why don't we continue this debate backstage while we take a commercial break," Lavender suggested. 


	6. Cooking With My Mothers Fan

"And we're back, and ready to start up the show. Due to backstage events," Lavender mentioned shakily, "the last topic will be dropped. We will do a new topic now.Nothing more shall be said on the light bulb. Now, Hermionie, please pick another topic."  
  
"Ok. Umm, how does a fan sound." Hermionie suggested.  
  
"Excellent choice, because I have no idea what that is. Like the light bulb topic, Hermionie will ask a who, what, when, where, why, or how question on the fan, and you all know the rest. Let's begin. Hermionie, ask the question."  
  
"What purpose does a fan serve?"  
  
*Ron rings the bell repeatedly*  
  
"Yes, Ron?" Lavender asked a little too hopefully, although she knew there was no hope with him.  
  
"My dad got one of these for mum. She uses it once in a while, like whenever we have guests. She puts food in it, and put's it on top of a fire. The food cooks, and then she makes us eat it."  
  
"Ron," Hermionie sputtered, "that's a pan! A cooking pan! I mean a fan, not a pan!  
  
"Are you sure that's not correct, Hermionie?" Lavender managed.  
  
"What? You think I wouldn't know the answer to my own question on something I've lived with all my life. Please!" Hermionie said.  
  
"Oh, well. Draco gets a shot at the question, 'What purpose does a fan serve' after our quick commercial break." Lavender droned on. 


	7. Ceiling Fan's Decide the Fate

"Here we are, ladies and gentlemen, and the show is beginning again. We are about to ask Draco Malfoy for his description of 'What purpose does a fan serve'. Here we go. Draco, what purpose does a fan serve?" Lavender asked.  
  
"Well, most of the time," Draco began, being careful of the words he chose. He wanted to get the questions right and beat that Weasly whimp, but he couldn't give away his position, "it is referred to as a ceiling fan, is it not?"  
  
"Well, that is one kind, yes, and you may describe that if you wish," Hermionie suggested.  
  
"Yes, I would. The ceiling fan is, of course, hung on the ceiling in the center. It is usually in a bedroom or a room that is used most by the muggle inhabitants. It keeps them cool in the summer, or anytime of year. It spins blades around fast enough to circulate the air to make it cool," Draco provided. Had he said too much? He was afraid so. If Weasly couldn't even grasp the basic idea, with his father the muggle lover he is, he didn't know how he would've been able to get that kind of information. If this turned out wrong, if someone found him out, if someone found his father out, he was dead. His position, his placement, his commitment, his commision, it all meant so much to him, he couldn't stand to lose it. His master wouldn't let him either.  
  
"Hermionie?" Lavender blurted out of nowhere, her voice scorched with fear.  
  
"He's got the idea perfect," Hermionie commented. "I'm just, well, astounded."  
  
"Watch it," Lavender muttered warningly. "Well, ok, that's 50 points to Draco, bringing up the score. It's now 150 points for Draco Malfoy and 0 points for Ron Weasly. We will be back, right after our commercial break." Lavender continued in her normal voice. 


End file.
